Joke of the day

PARKING TICKET

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked geek. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of garbage. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads.

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You know what always makes me throw up? Putting my dart board on the ceiling.  Ace Cosby joke of the day 

A married couple, both 65 years old, were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. When all the family and guests had left their house, a fairy appeared from nowhere and said to them: “Congratulations, you two on your long and prosperous marriage. I’m here to grant you both one wish each.”Excitedly, the wife said: “I want to travel around the world.”The fairy waved her magic wand and with a bang, the wife suddenly had tickets in her hand for a round-the-world cruise on the best ship in the world.Then the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
Without skipping a beat, the husband replied. “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me. ”So the fairy picked up her wand and with a bang – the husband was 95 years old.

lol Jokic Denver Nuggets. 

6 year old....Does fire come out of a dragons butt when he farts?

Me...Umm...I really don't know....

​6 year ​old...I thought you went to college?

A teacher asked a farmer boy why he missed school yesterday. Boy - Sorry teacher, I had to take the bull to the lower pasture to visit the cows, it's breeding season. Teacher - Couldn't your father do that? Boy - No maam, it has to be the bull!

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.  He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork."  The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."  Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching por*n."  Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what por*n was."  The robot slaps the father.  Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."  The robot slaps the mother.  Robot for sale.

https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1779464244188127232/pu/pl/P1duAMp7oeJhWFbG.m3u8?tag=12&container=cmaf

Iran attempting to hurt Israel.

​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86qKgK0asGo​​​

anybody here have some spare fishing line?

https://summarynews.whatfinger.com/2024/04/13/very-bad-prank/

Don't

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I remember when i was little and had that rare condition where i had to eat a handful of dirt every day from the garden....good thing i had older brothers and sisters to tell me about it...