Joke of the day

PARKING TICKET

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked geek. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of garbage. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

I really don’t mind getting old. But my body is having a major hissy fit.

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "OK, have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?" "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that ....

  

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I like that steelhead,it's good advice.

Thank you steelhead!

  

500 pounds of pasta found dumped in a wooded area.
https://weather.com/science/environment/video/pasta-pollution-500-pounds-of-noodles-dumped-in-forest?cm_ven=hp-slot-3

Police say something is wrong with this guys noodle.  When caught he will be put in the penne tentiary.

My half brother and I are no longer allowed to use the chain saw.

Kayaker where do you live and where is this barbers place of employment.I'm getting a little shaggy,could use a trim.

This is how  it goes down.

Reminds me of the young lady barber nearby

What top line?

That’s funny AJ! I read the top line wrong.