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Joke of the day

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1/8/03 @ 7:06 PM
User since 8/28/01

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked geek. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of garbage. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Displaying 1 to 15 of 7,038 posts
4/1/23 @ 2:12 PM
User since 7/24/03
Hope the link works…

4/1/23 @ 11:55 AM
antler junkie
User since 8/17/05
Why is everyone so tired on April 1rst ?

Because they just finished a 31 day March.  I know it’s lame but I only get to use it one day a year.  lol

3/31/23 @ 6:41 AM
PRO MEMBER User since 1/22/21
Can you spot Billy Jack in this Burlington restaurant?

3/29/23 @ 7:38 PM
User since 3/9/03
What do you have to  be to see a Doctor?   PATIENT!!!

3/29/23 @ 5:16 PM
Kayaker 8
User since 8/28/20
I read today that a guy invented a room air freshener that you can control with your mind.

If you think about it, it makes scents.

3/28/23 @ 3:46 PM
Swamp buck
User since 1/23/09
Good One Z!!

3/28/23 @ 3:21 PM
PRO MEMBER User since 2/8/06
The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So, the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Sicily.  It was absolutely wonderful.  It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.  They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.  No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to mate.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell them what was happening and to ask his advice.

Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.  When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.

The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, “Did you by chance buy this cow in Sicily?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily

"You are truly a wise veterinarian," they said. "How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes: "My wife is from Sicily."

3/27/23 @ 7:47 AM
Bud Wise 2
Bud Wise 2
User since 9/5/13
he he he   

3/27/23 @ 5:48 AM
3/26/23 @ 2:14 PM
User since 6/9/02
2023 and counting!! LOL

3/26/23 @ 2:02 PM
Brent Hess
Brent Hess
User since 12/18/07
That was super funny! Had to share it with my wife!

3/26/23 @ 9:12 AM
ice queen
ice queen
User since 12/16/10
Good morning chuckle  

After getting all of the Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo – and he doesn’t travel light – the chauffeur notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the chauffeur, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the chauffeur.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the chauffeur gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried chauffeur, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

“Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the chauffeur.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,” All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,” said the cop.

The Chief then asked, “Who ya got there, the Mayor?”


“Governor?” The Chief asked.


“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”

“I think it’s God!” the cop exclaimed.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well for one thing, he’s got the Pope as a chauffeur.”

3/26/23 @ 8:41 AM
Bassmaster+recordracks 2
Bassmaster+recordracks 2
PRO MEMBER User since 7/24/20
A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
 The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."

3/26/23 @ 5:56 AM
PRO MEMBER User since 7/20/03

3/25/23 @ 8:29 PM
User since 7/11/01
An old lady offers a bus driver some peanuts.  He accepts and begins munching them.  A little while later she gives him a few more.  
Bus Driver:  That is nice of you.  Why don’t you eat them yourself?
Lady:  I don’t have any teeth. Can’t chew them. 
Bus Driver:  Then why do you buy them?
Lady: Oh, I just love the chocolate that covers them!

Displaying 1 to 15 of 7,038 posts

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