Joke of the day
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
Ole's wife Lena
Lena walks into a bar and announces: "Drinks for everyone, on me"
The bartender asks her: "What's the occasion"?
She smiles proudly and States "53 days....I did the puzzle in just 53 days."
The bartender asks "What's so great about that?"
Lena says "Well, it says on the box ...... 3 to 5 years"
A girl walks into the grocery store and selects 3 items. .a can of soup a loaf of bread and a banana..she then proceeds to the check out when the cashier smiles and says " I can tell your single" she blushes and says "why is that? " he says bc your ugly that's why
OLE' GOES DUCK HUNTING
Early one Saturday morning about 4:00 a.m. Ole' loads his skiff and a bag of decoys into his Studebaker pickup and heads to the marsh for some ducks. He paddles out to his blind, sets his decoys, tucks his skiff away , pours himself a coffee from his thermos and waits for legal shooting hours. Soon, the first flock of ducks approached and he pulled up his 12 ga. and knocks down a duck. He starts paddling out to get it and from the far side of the lake comes a high speed boat with red lights flashing and sirens blaring as they meet at the duck. It's the Game Warden and he says " Let me see that Duck." He grabs it, rolls it over, sniffs the rear end and says "That's an Iowa duck, do you have a permit for an Iowa duck?" Ole' says " Sure do" and reaches into his wallet to show it. Warden says "You're legal, take your duck" and they both head off....20 minutes later Ole ' shoots another duck and the same thing happens. The Warden says "let me see that duck" he turns it over and sniffs the rear end and says "That's an Ohio duck ..do you have a permit for an Ohio duck? Ole' produces the permit and the Warden says he is legal and they part their ways....15 minutes later Ole shoots a third duck and again the Warden meets him at the duck, grabs it, turns it over and sniffs the rear end and says "That's a Wisconsin duck...Do you have a permit for a Wisconsin duck?" Ole' says , "sure do" and shows the permit. The Warden rolls his eyes and is dumbfounded and says to Ole'..."You know Ole' I've been doing this for a long time and I never met anyone as honest and we'll prepared as you are. Where are you from?"
Ole' turns around and drops his drawers and says : "Maybe you should tell me, you're the expert"
An old man was with his wife at the doctors office. The doctor came and said "I need three things from you. A urine sample, a stool sample, and a semen sample." The old man was hard of hearing so he turned to his wife and asked "What did he say??" His wife replied. "He needs your underware."